Trying to survive this economy is hard enough for adults, but when kids are involved, it's not only more difficult, but more heartbreaking to experience. I've had to get resourceful to meet the financial demands of having children, especially teens, in today's economy.
I've never been one to spoil my children, but I've always been able to manage on a tight budget without feeling like I'm depriving them. When my now 16 year old son was 3, I had him with me shopping at Wal-Mart. I picked up a package of cookies and started to put them in my cart, when my son told me, "You don't need to get those. We don't have a coupon for them." Now that's starting them out early! Unfortunately, teenagers want and need more than just cookies.
Like I had mentioned before, my kids are now 17, 16, 8 and 4weeks. Being on maternity leave has cut our family income in half, and even before I went on leave, we were barely making it from paycheck to paycheck. Now, with teens, I've been forced to realize how expensive life is, and how I've always taken for granted that I would always be able to afford basic rights of passage for my children. These have included a car and car insurance, a prom dress, field trips with the school and with church, birthdays, which usually included going out to eat on their birthday (but not this year), and new shoes. So far, I've been able to get my daughter a prom dress from a resale shop, but I have no idea how I will get her a pair of shoes. I got her a birthday gift using a gift card given for my newborn son. That was probably one of the lowest points for me. We've had to use other gift cards and gift money meant for my new baby to buy groceries and other necessities. I have promised myself that as soon as I go back to work and start getting a paycheck again, I will go back and spend that money on my son. He has what he needs for now.
Another way I've been able to save some money is that I'm breastfeeding. Formula is extremely expensive, and honestly, not as good for the baby as breast milk. So I've been diligent about continuing to breastfeed in spite of some problems. My son was having some problems with latching on, and we weren't able to tell how much he was actually eating, which was a concern because we were wanting to make sure he was gaining enough weight. So I started pumping breast milk, which allowed us not only to know how much he was eating, but also allowed others to be able to feed him. This also reduced the amount of anxiety that I was experiencing related to his problems latching on.
One of the other ways I had planned (and still plan) to save money was to use cloth diapers. Let me just say that I have experience with cloth diapers and am a firm believer in using them. However, this has proven to be a challenge because I have been unable to find a store in my area that actually carries cloth diaper covers. Most stores carry cloth diapers, but not the diaper covers. When I ask store managers if they carry diaper covers, they act like I'm crazy for even asking. I have been able to find some online, but haven't purchased any yet because of finances.
Monday, March 28, 2011
Friday, March 25, 2011
Is 39 Too Old to Have a Baby?
First, I would like to welcome you to my blog. I'm writing this blog in hopes of sharing with others my experience of having a baby at 39 as well as my experiences with the resulting financial hardship. As I continue to blog, I hope to be able to share what I've learned along the way, and how I was able to not only survive adversity, but thrive in the thick of it.
Now, on to answering the question, is 39 too old to have a baby... Probably. But I wouldn't change it for the world. I had just turned 39 when I got pregnant. I was very excited, but very nervous because I had already had 3 miscarriages, the last of which was just 6 months prior. The last miscarriage had left me broken-hearted, not only because of the loss of a precious life, but also because I just knew that it was my last chance to have another child, given my age. But God had different plans. I knew within days of conceiving my son that I was pregnant, because my breasts were sore and I started getting severe indigestion, which was exactly how I felt the last time I got pregnant. My husband was less than excited because he immediately began to consider the financial aspect of having a 4th child. Yes, this is our 4th. Our other children are 17, 16 and 8.
But back to this pregnancy. Having found out that I was pregnant so early on, I had what seemed like an extremely long pregnancy. I began showing early on, and being short-waisted, I looked like I was carrying a very large pumpkin under my shirt by the time I was 5 months along. But other than getting tired easily, and looking like I was carrying twins, I was feeling good and avoiding any of the typical health problems one might associate with being pregnant, especially at my "advanced" age. When coworkers asked me when I was going to start my maternity leave, I would reply, "When my water breaks." I had every intention to work up until the very end. I told them that I couldn't afford to leave any sooner than that.
But, again, God had other plans. At 34 weeks, I began having contractions, and had to go on bed rest for 2 weeks, until I reached 36 weeks, at which time, the baby would be considered "full term." So I did this. At 36 weeks, I went back to work, and worked a day and a half before being sent back home by my doctor for the remainder of my pregnancy due to a spell of shakiness, fatigue and nausea at work. I carried my son 2 more weeks. At 38 weeks, my son was born, and I had already been off work for a month. I had less than a week of PTO saved up and it was long gone. My income had stopped, and my maternity leave had just begun.
So, after having a planned C-section, I asked myself again, is 39 too old to have a baby? The answer this time--DEFINITELY! What in the WORLD was I thinking??? I'm 39 years old! I'm overweight. I'm relatively healthy, but obviously not in good shape. The last 2-3 months of my pregnancy I hobbled as much as I waddled. The pressure placed on my hip joints from my ever-growing belly made it feel like someone was using my legs for a wishbone. After I actually had my son, things got much worse. This is where the medical Murphy's Law came into play. First, there were some extenuating circumstances during delivery, which I will detail in a later post, that left me waiting an hour on the operating table for my c-section to begin. This left me fighting off panic as I felt more and more claustrophobic, being unable to move, and experiencing most of my body as dead weight. Did I mention I'm generally a highly anxious person anyway? Well, I am.
So I survived the c-section, and was blessed with a 9lb 8oz little boy. But then, this 39 year old body, now two and a half months from being 40, starts falling apart. By the way, insurance companies don't really care about how you are doing when they decide that your time at the hospital is up. I was discharged 48 hours after having a c-section and tubal ligation. I was having unexplainable back spasms every time I went to the bathroom, and at other unpredictable times throughout the day. These spasms had begun radiating up my back and into my neck and head. They were paralyzing. But no one seemed to care. To make matters worse, on the second day, I began losing control of my bladder. I had never been so humiliated in my life. And next came one of the worst experiences yet...hemorrhoids. I had never had these before, and I pray I never have them again. Enough said.
In addition to this, my entire body was swollen. My legs were numb they were so swollen, and walking felt unstable at best. My past experiences had been that I arrive at the hospital with ankles slightly swollen, have a baby, and the swelling is gone the next day. This time, I came to the hospital with ankles slightly swollen, had a baby, and then my entire body from head to toe swells to the point that my skin is tight and shiny. I was told that it was because I was "older" this time. When I tried to walk, I had to scoot my feet because I couldn't lift my legs to take steps. Oh, and insurance companies also don't care that you can't lift your legs to go up the steps into your own house. I happen to have steps at both my front and back doors, so this was especially problematic. But thanks to a very kind and caring husband, I was able to manage the back door steps with assistance.
It took about 2 weeks for everything to start getting back to normal. I cried a lot the first week. I cried less the second week. I've cried more this week. This is week 4. I don't know if I'm experiencing postpardom depression or if I'm just depressed because we are out of money, with so many things needing to be paid for. But I have survived this far. And I will continue to survive.
Now, on to answering the question, is 39 too old to have a baby... Probably. But I wouldn't change it for the world. I had just turned 39 when I got pregnant. I was very excited, but very nervous because I had already had 3 miscarriages, the last of which was just 6 months prior. The last miscarriage had left me broken-hearted, not only because of the loss of a precious life, but also because I just knew that it was my last chance to have another child, given my age. But God had different plans. I knew within days of conceiving my son that I was pregnant, because my breasts were sore and I started getting severe indigestion, which was exactly how I felt the last time I got pregnant. My husband was less than excited because he immediately began to consider the financial aspect of having a 4th child. Yes, this is our 4th. Our other children are 17, 16 and 8.
But back to this pregnancy. Having found out that I was pregnant so early on, I had what seemed like an extremely long pregnancy. I began showing early on, and being short-waisted, I looked like I was carrying a very large pumpkin under my shirt by the time I was 5 months along. But other than getting tired easily, and looking like I was carrying twins, I was feeling good and avoiding any of the typical health problems one might associate with being pregnant, especially at my "advanced" age. When coworkers asked me when I was going to start my maternity leave, I would reply, "When my water breaks." I had every intention to work up until the very end. I told them that I couldn't afford to leave any sooner than that.
But, again, God had other plans. At 34 weeks, I began having contractions, and had to go on bed rest for 2 weeks, until I reached 36 weeks, at which time, the baby would be considered "full term." So I did this. At 36 weeks, I went back to work, and worked a day and a half before being sent back home by my doctor for the remainder of my pregnancy due to a spell of shakiness, fatigue and nausea at work. I carried my son 2 more weeks. At 38 weeks, my son was born, and I had already been off work for a month. I had less than a week of PTO saved up and it was long gone. My income had stopped, and my maternity leave had just begun.
So, after having a planned C-section, I asked myself again, is 39 too old to have a baby? The answer this time--DEFINITELY! What in the WORLD was I thinking??? I'm 39 years old! I'm overweight. I'm relatively healthy, but obviously not in good shape. The last 2-3 months of my pregnancy I hobbled as much as I waddled. The pressure placed on my hip joints from my ever-growing belly made it feel like someone was using my legs for a wishbone. After I actually had my son, things got much worse. This is where the medical Murphy's Law came into play. First, there were some extenuating circumstances during delivery, which I will detail in a later post, that left me waiting an hour on the operating table for my c-section to begin. This left me fighting off panic as I felt more and more claustrophobic, being unable to move, and experiencing most of my body as dead weight. Did I mention I'm generally a highly anxious person anyway? Well, I am.
So I survived the c-section, and was blessed with a 9lb 8oz little boy. But then, this 39 year old body, now two and a half months from being 40, starts falling apart. By the way, insurance companies don't really care about how you are doing when they decide that your time at the hospital is up. I was discharged 48 hours after having a c-section and tubal ligation. I was having unexplainable back spasms every time I went to the bathroom, and at other unpredictable times throughout the day. These spasms had begun radiating up my back and into my neck and head. They were paralyzing. But no one seemed to care. To make matters worse, on the second day, I began losing control of my bladder. I had never been so humiliated in my life. And next came one of the worst experiences yet...hemorrhoids. I had never had these before, and I pray I never have them again. Enough said.
In addition to this, my entire body was swollen. My legs were numb they were so swollen, and walking felt unstable at best. My past experiences had been that I arrive at the hospital with ankles slightly swollen, have a baby, and the swelling is gone the next day. This time, I came to the hospital with ankles slightly swollen, had a baby, and then my entire body from head to toe swells to the point that my skin is tight and shiny. I was told that it was because I was "older" this time. When I tried to walk, I had to scoot my feet because I couldn't lift my legs to take steps. Oh, and insurance companies also don't care that you can't lift your legs to go up the steps into your own house. I happen to have steps at both my front and back doors, so this was especially problematic. But thanks to a very kind and caring husband, I was able to manage the back door steps with assistance.
It took about 2 weeks for everything to start getting back to normal. I cried a lot the first week. I cried less the second week. I've cried more this week. This is week 4. I don't know if I'm experiencing postpardom depression or if I'm just depressed because we are out of money, with so many things needing to be paid for. But I have survived this far. And I will continue to survive.
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